So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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