foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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