ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
