Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
