and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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