Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
