Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
