You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
