I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
