I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
is wine microwaveable?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I am available for nakedness
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
