She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
