Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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