When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
