Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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