well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
