guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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