I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
