Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
