It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
