fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
