I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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