bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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