i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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