Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
