so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
