I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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