I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
