If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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