Welp...herpes.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
