omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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