im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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