Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
