just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
