I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize