WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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