Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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