i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
