If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
