guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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