conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
