i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
