I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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