Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
