Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
