On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
