Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
