Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
