I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
