My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My bed smells like the plague
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
