just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
