A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I need water and some morals
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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