Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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