I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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