I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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