i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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