So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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