my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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