I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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