I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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