Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
