every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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