Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
