She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
