They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
