Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
