You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
