I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize