the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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