If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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