just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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