I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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