There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
