my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
