Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
